So you feel like you are being punished for “having a life”, especially after a split up or making a big change.
The truth is this is not about ‘her’. This is not about ‘the kids’. This is not even about the change. And it’s not even about your reasons for it all. Dude, hear me out, this is about you.
If I had a chance to chat with you I would ask how exactly is it that you are being ‘punished’ for having a life now?
My hallucination is ‘that’ which is going on, is mostly your own mind. By that, I mean that you feel that people are watching you. When they see what you do and how you behave now, they might have something to say. In some cases, they may even verbalize those things. If you are separated or divorced my guess is that your ex might be at the top of that list.
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Even if they do say something, what influence do those words have over you other than the power that you give them? And then, my guess is that you hold onto those words in your mind. Re-think them. Looping over them again and again. Every time folding your chest into a tighter twist as you re-live the movie in your mind.
The truth is that in many cases the ‘stuff’ that guys describe as ‘punishment’ do not actually exist. It wasn't actually said. It didn't actually happen. A lot of it is what you think and feel is going on. The meaning that you give to what is going is based on the movie that you have created, which is now playing on rapid repeat.
Stop hitting rewind only to ‘punish’’ yourself over and over again. Whether these ideas are imagined or actually verbalized, the point is that they now have a hold on you. The more you give your power away to these ideas, the more you are responding from them. Sometimes in the way that you behave. Often in a silent response of inaction.
Those responses nurture feelings filled with guilt and shame. You validate the feelings with “should have'' and “would have” if only you “could have”. Those feelings are ideas that you are loading with emotion. The emotion that you experience creates the state that you embody.
The past is in the past. Perhaps it is time to leave it there. I learned that the best thing that I can do for my kids now is not to try to go back and change the past. The best that I can do is to - be - here - now, and learn how to become the best version of myself, in the present, as I live out today.
When you unsubscribe from re-living the perceived ‘punishment’ of the past you will find a sense of freedom to be able to step into the present. It’s like you can begin to breathe again. There is just more air in your chest. More space in your thoughts. More place for quiet in your mind.
When you learn to take responsibility for what happened in your past you will find less ‘need’ to personalise what others say, as if they are saying something about you. You will find that what they have to say, speaks more about them than anything about you.
You will learn how to take back your authority. You will stop giving your power away to re-runs of unresourceful movies that plague your mind and find a sense of peace, perhaps for the first time in a very long while.
With this newfound peace of mind, you will create a state that your children will be attracted to. When you reach out to your children from this new found state of calm, they will experience a sense of safety and love in relating to you. This can make all the difference.
Dude, if you are ready to unsubscribe from the movies that make you feel like you are being punished, so that you can learn to create a state that will be attractive to your kids, send me a PM, so that we can chat about how to get you started.